Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

I was tired of trying and failing.

What is your favorite underrated movie and why? What makes it underrated? How did you find it?

The sadness was still there.

I was tired of fighting.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

What are the consequences of being addicted to something? Is it considered wrong to have an addiction?

It’s here now, writing to you.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

Why do some people believe that Homelander would be no match for Superman or Thor?

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

Is it true that people who are possessed by demons cannot see them until the demon is cast out? What is the reason for this?

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

I had run out of hope.

Why does my crush make me jealous about having a girlfriend?

Be who you already are.

And the sadness?

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

What was the worst decision you ever did?

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

What is one fantasy you have never told anyone about but really want to do?

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

What is the best way to get revenge on people who hurt you?

It’s still here.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

Why do people love to live alone in a house?

You are like me, then.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.